Hello lovelies!! How have you all been? I know I haven't been blogging for a long time. Last post was just out of my depression. yikes. I was just carried away of something which made me think I really had to breakdown and cry. I know all of us has that kind of feeling, sometimes.
I keep telling myself that I'll feel better if I get back into a blogging routine, because with any social media you can put the best contruction on your reality and maybe life would be better if I could make it look that way. However it's been all I can do to do the bare minimums.
So here is a little honesty: life has been...um...difficult? It seems everywhere I turn there is a battle to face. At work. At home. In relationships [with others and with myself]. I'm exhausted. I'm tired of trying to hold it all together. I feel like everything I am, everything I do and everything I have just isn't enough.
In the past I've written about contentment and living an unhindered life, however lately I'm feeling anything but. I feel lost, broken and without direction. I have felt this way in the past, right before my decision to move back home. I wonder if God isn't stirring up my life in order to prepare me for another big change.
I want a change so badly, but I'm at a loss for how. It's driving me crazy and I feel so unhappy. I am craving independance, freedom, friendship and a job I'm passionate about. I just don't know how to get there.
I'm clinging to these verses from Psalm 119 that one of my friends shared with me over a year ago [Waiting Expectantly for the Road to Somewhere] because they are still as true today as they were when I first read them.
"I'm feeling terrible—I couldn't feel worse! Get me on my feet again. You promised, remember? When I told my story, you responded; train me well in your deep wisdom. Help me understand these things inside and out so I can ponder your miracle-wonders. My sad life's dilapidated, a falling-down barn; build me up again by your Word. Barricade the road that goes Nowhere; grace me with your clear revelation. I choose the true road to Somewhere, I post your road signs at every curve and corner. I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me; GOD, don't let me down! I'll run the course you lay out for me if you'll just show me how."
Psalm 119:25-32
My blog is an eclectic mix of sharing my life, faith, fashion and things that inspire me. I'm just an average girl who is trying to live joyfully, find her path in life and trust God along the way. I believe in adventure and embracing the unexpected. Thank you for stopping by!
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
How to Make Your Girlfriend Happy :)
1. If you never understand women in general, how will you understand your girl? Women are very maternal creatures: they love taking care of things. That's why she cooks you great meals, or worries when you don't call after you've driven home. Understand that she is not being clingy; it is a natural part of being a woman, and therefore part of who she is. Perceive it as a good thing; women are only inclined to do this if they genuinely love and care about you a great deal. If she has stopped doing these things, there's something wrong! Remember also that women have been raised around stories that end in girls finding the 'Perfect Man', become a Princess and live happily ever after. Therefore, it is ingrained into their subconsciousness that they must find a man who is perfect in every way. While this is basically impossible, this article will help you understand what will make her happy, without changing your own personality.
2. Tell her you love her, make sure you mean it.
3. Tell her she's beautiful and mean it. Compliment her not only on her looks, but also on her accomplishments, talents and abilities. Always be sincere.
4. Be confident. Be proud of being her boyfriend. There are appropriate times and places for affection. Kissing and intimate touching does not usually go over well in public. But don't be too shy to hold her hand in public because you shouldn't be ashamed that she's yours. She will love it when you walk by her friends and they see how good her boy friend is.
5. Never lie. Lies mean trouble. This can taint your relationship and reduce her trust in you considerably. How would you feel if she started to lie to you?
6. Do not argue in public and cause a scene. This will humiliate her or you and she'll think twice about going out with you again. Similarly, If you and your girl have an argument, don't do or say things to her that are mean and spiteful. That will make her know your inner self, and don't you want to be her Mr Right ?
7. Do NOT flirt with other girls AT ANY TIME,. If you do you're on thin ice: She's bound to find out, you'll lack purpose in your relationship and you'll hate yourself for your nasty behaviour..besides it means you're not loyal to your girl or your relationship with her. Most girls will view it as cheating and you just might lose her, and it'll serve you right. Don't be stupid, value what you have and know.
8. Don't ever let her suffer from back-seat syndrome. Granted, you might have very close female friends who have been around longer. But if you appear to enjoy spending more time with them than your girlfriend - and she has noticed - she may be suffering from what girls call 'back seat syndrome'. Think: how would you like it if she preferred hanging out with guy friends to you? What if she hung out with her guy friend alone? What if she was constantly texting other guys in your company? If she starts to mention that she is feeling second-place, change your attitude quickly but tell nobody. Keep your female friends, they give useful feedback, don't let them slip out of the picture. Find balance. Don't text them in her company, and let her know that you prefer spending time with her than other girls. Like you would with other guys, she will naturally begin to assume they are not threat. Don't lie to her; you should genuinely enjoy spending time with your girl. If you are attracted to one of your female friends, it is a good idea to cut the communication short,be friendly but cut it clean; it is highly likely your girlfriend will notice, girls have many ways to know and boys are so basic and ultimately she will start to consider how loyal you are to her.
9. Don't start getting lazy about how you look just because you think she's yours. Continue trying to
impress her because she might just lose interest if you begin to slack off. Look smart for you and for her!
10. If you're with your friends, never ignore her and start talking with your friends or walk off with them as if she's not there. How would you feel if she did this to you? Invisible? Make sure you pay attention to her when you're with your friends. Think about it - she's a friend too. Girl-friend-. If you're with a group of mates, make sure she doesn't feel left out if she doesn't know them well.Keep close to her or glance at her every so often just to let her know you know she's still there and offer a genuine smile.
11. Become friends with her friends. It gives you more things in common with your girl and a social life in common is bonding. Eventually, her friends will love you, and that's a definite turn-on for your girlfriend and a good thing for you too.
12. Let her win the argument, if she's got a point. It may be a silly issue and you probably think you're right but, let her win. The sillier the argument, the more reason you have to let her win. Why stir up trouble? She doesn't want to look stupid, don't make it hard on yourself. If you just tell her she's right, you probably won't hear about the issue again, save yourself and just tell her she's right and you'll both feel great.
13. Make a good impression on her parents. Even if you don't particularly like them, they can be your greatest allies in the long run.
14. Be thoughtful. The small things matter the most. Be a gentleman; hold doors open for her, be polite and be helpful. Ask her if she's cold when it's cold out; have a jacket or a sweater handy so you can give it to her, but don't outdo it, it won't look sincere. When she isn't feeling well, or home sick bring her some soup, hot tea or flowers. Hold her hand at the movies or when you're walking. Get her something just because. Make her happy by buying her little gifts. Small things like a single flower or a mag you know she likes, a bag of her favorite candy or a chocolate bar will go a long way. Girls love that.
15. Remember important dates. This is a big deal with women. Birthdays, anniversaries and other milestones are all opportunities to show her how special she is to you.Keep an agenda or a calendar with all these dates. When it's her birthday, bring her breakfast in bed and some flowers. When it's your anniversary, book something special for you both to let her know how much you appreciate and love her. Remember that women have the idea of being spoiled on these occasions embedded into their psyche from the media. Rose petals on your bed, dinner at a beautiful restaurant - all these things show you care. You don't have to spend like crazy - it isn't about the money but the thought behind the action.
16. Remember what she likes and dislikes. How does she like her eggs cooked? What is her favorite flower? Perfume? What does she enjoy doing when it comes to dates? She will be very impressed that you have been paying attention. It pays to be thoughtful.
17. Touch her regularly and on the spur of the moment. Even the slightest touch can make a woman feel special. Hold her hand, give her a hug or gently touch her face; these gestures will all make her feel protected and loved.
18. Write her love notes. They don't have to be long, mushy and poetic if you're not the type, even quick and silly ones will do but try to make them cute ( add some related drawing ) and show her that you care. This is a great way to be romantic. Tell her that you're lucky that you found her. She loves it when you say it. Just be sure you mean it. Look her in the eye and mentally say it.
19. Share your everyday events and thoughts with your girl.Being open and communicative makes her feel like you want her in your life. On the same note, listen to her advice even if you don't agree, force yourself to listen and to see the good of her reasoning. Keep an open ear and an open mind.
20. Listen to her. The number one complaint many women have regarding men is that they don't listen. Even
if you're not particularly interested in what she's saying, listen, then acknowledge that you were listening. Let
her know that you are the one that she can talk to about anything! Be there for her through thick and thin. She will feel comfortable with you and trust you.
21. Always stand up for her no matter what;( up to a point but discuss it privately ) It shows her that
you are often on her side.
22. If you want her to be yours forever, let her know you're there for her when she needs you, and most importantly make her feel loved, special, safe and protected. Your woman wants to be your queen so treat her as such and you'll glide happily along.
23. If she wants to pay for something sometimes, let her. Just ensure you don't change roles, you're the man.
24. Make sure you spend enough time with her to show her how much you care, and to make your relationship grow.
25. LOVE HER WITH ALL YOUR HEART.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
In God's Time..
The gospel reading today insists on the reality of the risen humanity of Our Lord.
Our faith does not rest on fables, nor is the risen Jesus a phantom. Graciously, to strengthen their faith, to bring them peace, and to give them great joy, Jesus shows his followers his now glorious sacred wounds. And we, who inherit that faith and peace and joy, pray, ‘Lord, let your face shine on us’ (psalm response)—for the Father’s glory is reflected in the face of his Christ. ‘Look towards him and be radiant’, the psalmist urges us.
Jesus’ first words to his apostles were, ‘Peace be with you’. He is the God of peace and He Himself is our peace, and He was once again with them. As He speaks, there falls a great calm—be it upon the troubled sea or the troubled human spirit. To have His peace we need to reject all anxiety, casting all our care upon him. And what we long for for ourselves we pray for for others—that the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard their hearts and their thoughts in Christ.
During the homily, Father Allan imposed in our minds that whenever we experience hardships in our lives we must all have trust that God will vanished it all away in His own time according to His plan.
I solely believe that it's always God's time, not ours.. His plans (i think i said this before) are far better than ours. All of Life is a great mystery. God is a great mystery. If you think about it, we, ourselves, are great mysteries. When we are born, we do not know exactly what our lives will be made up of, and we are not promised by God smooth, even existences without pain or troubles. What we are promised is a limited time on the earth. Then, if we accept Jesus as our personal savior, eternal life with God, The Father in Heaven. We can easily say that we accept and believe in Him and that we trust Him, but a real Christian who trusts God, follows His commandment. If you say that you trust God but do not follow His commandments that you're a liar!
When something happens to not go the way WE expect, we are angry, disappointed, sad. How dare anything interfere with the way WE think things should be going. We look for someone, or something, to blame. But of course, if we blame anyone living, we have to explain our anger to them and live with the consequences of our outburst - for a reason the blamed person has no idea. And doesn't that sound ridiculous? To blame the family of a deceased person, or blame a disease for taking a deceased person, a disease which has no intellect or feeling or persona, or a situation which is an inanimate thing with no capability of acting or even reacting? Only we humans do that.
Of course, we can acknowledge that those are absolutely insane thoughts when examined in the light of day. But when we are hurting, grieving, lost, we are a little insane, or certainly, not thinking very rationally. And because we know in our hearts that we cannot blame anything or anyone for our pain, if we are Christ-loving people, we MUST go to God the Father for comfort. If we truly listen to His answer to our prayers and pleadings, He will tell us that our lives are for HIM to control, not us; that He never promised us anything but a numbered days in our mortal lives, and that if we put our trust and faith in Him, He will give us eternal lives with Him in Heaven.
He knows the pain of suffering, of losing Someone He loved so dearly, One Who was so pure and clean that He was the Perfect gift to mankind for their sins. Could any of us freely give our loved ones for any price to gain anything at all? Without a second of hesitation, we would all say NO! In fact, can any of us say that we knew who are parents will be? Who will be our first seatmate in kindergarten? Who will be our first crush in High School? Who will be our first date? and Who will be our FIRST LOVE?? Absolutely not! But that, in fact, is exactly what God promised us when we were born: Nothing in this life is in our control. Sure, we go through our daily lives making plans, working, living just as though we were in control, and to some extent we are.
Our lives take on regular patterns and we are comfortable with them as long as there are no interruptions to what we EXPECT from hose routines. But God never told us there wouldn't be interruptions. He never told us we could never be fired from our jobs, lose our homes in disasters, lose our health to some disease, or even our faith in Him.
What He did promise us is that He is The Rock. He is all powerful, all forgiving, all loving, all faithful, all merciful. He is Everything. And if we trust and accept Him, we will be comforted by Him. So when it comes to living with mortal pain and disappointment, we must know in our hearts that we are living out His plan for us, the greatest mystery of all, and praise Him more. He is the only One Who can truly understand and comfort us.
Our faith does not rest on fables, nor is the risen Jesus a phantom. Graciously, to strengthen their faith, to bring them peace, and to give them great joy, Jesus shows his followers his now glorious sacred wounds. And we, who inherit that faith and peace and joy, pray, ‘Lord, let your face shine on us’ (psalm response)—for the Father’s glory is reflected in the face of his Christ. ‘Look towards him and be radiant’, the psalmist urges us.
Jesus’ first words to his apostles were, ‘Peace be with you’. He is the God of peace and He Himself is our peace, and He was once again with them. As He speaks, there falls a great calm—be it upon the troubled sea or the troubled human spirit. To have His peace we need to reject all anxiety, casting all our care upon him. And what we long for for ourselves we pray for for others—that the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard their hearts and their thoughts in Christ.
During the homily, Father Allan imposed in our minds that whenever we experience hardships in our lives we must all have trust that God will vanished it all away in His own time according to His plan.
I solely believe that it's always God's time, not ours.. His plans (i think i said this before) are far better than ours. All of Life is a great mystery. God is a great mystery. If you think about it, we, ourselves, are great mysteries. When we are born, we do not know exactly what our lives will be made up of, and we are not promised by God smooth, even existences without pain or troubles. What we are promised is a limited time on the earth. Then, if we accept Jesus as our personal savior, eternal life with God, The Father in Heaven. We can easily say that we accept and believe in Him and that we trust Him, but a real Christian who trusts God, follows His commandment. If you say that you trust God but do not follow His commandments that you're a liar!
When something happens to not go the way WE expect, we are angry, disappointed, sad. How dare anything interfere with the way WE think things should be going. We look for someone, or something, to blame. But of course, if we blame anyone living, we have to explain our anger to them and live with the consequences of our outburst - for a reason the blamed person has no idea. And doesn't that sound ridiculous? To blame the family of a deceased person, or blame a disease for taking a deceased person, a disease which has no intellect or feeling or persona, or a situation which is an inanimate thing with no capability of acting or even reacting? Only we humans do that.
Of course, we can acknowledge that those are absolutely insane thoughts when examined in the light of day. But when we are hurting, grieving, lost, we are a little insane, or certainly, not thinking very rationally. And because we know in our hearts that we cannot blame anything or anyone for our pain, if we are Christ-loving people, we MUST go to God the Father for comfort. If we truly listen to His answer to our prayers and pleadings, He will tell us that our lives are for HIM to control, not us; that He never promised us anything but a numbered days in our mortal lives, and that if we put our trust and faith in Him, He will give us eternal lives with Him in Heaven.
He knows the pain of suffering, of losing Someone He loved so dearly, One Who was so pure and clean that He was the Perfect gift to mankind for their sins. Could any of us freely give our loved ones for any price to gain anything at all? Without a second of hesitation, we would all say NO! In fact, can any of us say that we knew who are parents will be? Who will be our first seatmate in kindergarten? Who will be our first crush in High School? Who will be our first date? and Who will be our FIRST LOVE?? Absolutely not! But that, in fact, is exactly what God promised us when we were born: Nothing in this life is in our control. Sure, we go through our daily lives making plans, working, living just as though we were in control, and to some extent we are.
Our lives take on regular patterns and we are comfortable with them as long as there are no interruptions to what we EXPECT from hose routines. But God never told us there wouldn't be interruptions. He never told us we could never be fired from our jobs, lose our homes in disasters, lose our health to some disease, or even our faith in Him.
What He did promise us is that He is The Rock. He is all powerful, all forgiving, all loving, all faithful, all merciful. He is Everything. And if we trust and accept Him, we will be comforted by Him. So when it comes to living with mortal pain and disappointment, we must know in our hearts that we are living out His plan for us, the greatest mystery of all, and praise Him more. He is the only One Who can truly understand and comfort us.
He is the only One who will NEVER leave us. He is our ONLY comfort and solace. He is the One who gave to us the dear one whom we lost. For they were never 'Ours', they were always God's. He just took them back home before He did us.
Praise God.
Praise God.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
I Believe..
I believe in living this life on earth to the fullest, in dreaming big and loving hard. I believe in spontaneous dance parties in the bathroom, especially when 90′s music is involved. I believe in God.
I believe in marriage, in forever, and in non-cliche romance. I believe in getting dirty, in playing outside, in jumping on trampolines. I believe in using exclamation points, sometimes for no good reason at all! I believe in always eating popcorn at the movie theater, usually with m&ms.
I believe in joy, and that joy is both a fruit of the Spirit and a daily choice. I believe in choosing joy, even though sometimes I have to remind myself to do it. I believe in date nights and making out, even after you’re married. I believe in good, pure, honest, do-anything-for-each-other friendship. The kind that requires a lot of effort. I believe in change.
I believe in hard work, in being challenged, in taking risks. I believe in fighting for what you want, and not letting other people bring you down in the process. I believe in reading, in learning, in growing to be a better person. I believe in telling the truth, even when it hurts. I believe in surprises, in handmade gifts, in showing love through little gestures. I believe in Apple products. I believe in the peace that accompanies quiet mornings and the power of prayer. I believe in occasionally running as fast as possible.
I believe in writing, and I believe in strong communication.
I believe in thrift stores, recycling, and always buying off the clearance rack. I believe in yoga, but not the super hot kind. I believe in confidence, in boldness, in taking a stand. I believe in fearlessness. I believe in growing your own vegetables. I believe in rule-breaking, library-talking, and grass-walking. I believe in sharing my life with complete strangers, because really, how else would I reach anyone?
I believe in transparency more than I believe in privacy.
I believe in actions more than I believe in words.
I believe in forgiveness more than I believe in justice.
And perhaps most of all, I believe in grace.
What do you believe in?
-tricia :)
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Dear Person I wish I could write to,
Hey readers! I found something at "Dear Meat" and perhaps as a blogger, we all have this "I-wish-you'll-read-this". HAHAHA. Among all the letters I have read, I chose those which I found helpful in general. ;)
***
Dear Person I wish I could write to,
I miss you more then anything in this world. Everything seems so empty with out you around. I absolutely love the little bit of time you do give me every now and then even if you can’t let yourself be alone with me. Every day for me when I’m not with you feels like I’m drowning. I can feel my hands waving violently above the water, splashing and smacking the water, but my head is still submerged. The moment I see your face its like someone reaches down and pulls my head up out of the watery darkness and fills my lungs with fresh air, and then when you leave they shove my head back under all over again. I want so badly to hold you in my arms again, to feel your touch and embrace. I don’t understand what it is you want from me? Why are you making things this way? Do you still love me? If you still love me, why don’t you want to be with me? I can give you anything you want if you came back to me. This doesn’t have to be a committed relationship but I really need you right now and it kills me watching things end this way. I will always love you and want to be with you no matter what happens. You were always the stronger one; I’m just a weak person trying to attach myself to you at this point. Help me be strong again breathe into me and give me life and purpose again. With out you everything loses its purpose and I am just going through the motions like a zombie. I am trying so hard to move on but I can’t. You are the one thing that I will never be able to overcome.
Sincerely,
The person I think you are trying to forget.
***
***
Dear Parents,
Trying, or wanting to be independent from you, doesn’t mean -
.. that we already wanted EVERYTHING to be done in our own way;
.. or that we’re running away from you;
.. or that we’re rebelling;
.. or that we love you less.
A little guidance, trust and encouragement is what we need.
Release your hold a bit, and we’ll make you proud.
Still yours,
Daughters & Son
.. that we already wanted EVERYTHING to be done in our own way;
.. or that we’re running away from you;
.. or that we’re rebelling;
.. or that we love you less.
A little guidance, trust and encouragement is what we need.
Release your hold a bit, and we’ll make you proud.
Still yours,
Daughters & Son
***
***
THIS ONE IS SWEET :)
Dear girl,
Do you remember how it was 5 years ago when you left? I was a pain in the ass, wasn’t I? Always wanting to know about you, never really leaving you alone, even when you asked me to. Always asking about you and bugging you.
So, we’re back to square one, I guess: me wanting everything with you, you wanting me away. 2007 all over again. Only this time, I’d like to get stuck in the middle of 2008. In that brief time window right after you realized/said how much you wanted me, and before my broken-heartedness became stupidity and got the best of me. An honest, sincere, non malicious stupidity. Understandable, even, but stupidity nonetheless.
That brief time window when our timing clicked perfectly. Just like the way our hands did every time they joined. Every. Single. Time.
I am sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you. Sorry I’ve been so stupid. Sorry because I have been selfish and proud. Sorry that I forgot what I meant for you, and what you meant to me. Sorry I overlooked everything because I was so focused on the distance. I am sorry I didn’t really hear. Sorry for being immature. Sorry for everything that I did that made you less happy than what you deserve to be.
And since I’m being honest, I love you and I need you. That’s it. All your flaws, mistakes, cheeks, smiles, bad jokes… even your stubbornness. Everything. I just want you. And I know you believe me (even just very little), or at least see scattered signs of truth in what I speak. You said it to me during our last Skype call. And that was liberating. That whole call was liberating in a lot of ways.
And I want to be with you, be your boyfriend, even if I’m in Isla Grande de Tierra del Fuego, and you’re in Ellesmere Island—look them up—. I don’t care. I’ve learned that while distance is important, there are things far, far more consequential, like finding somebody I want to spend the rest of my life with and holding onto her forever. Holding onto you forever.
I want to grow old with you, wake up next to you, fight for you, take care of you, protect you, hold you in the air when you succeed, and on the ground when you need it. Help you reach your goals, share mine with you, combine them and make them our own. Have you try to wake me up for 30 minutes so we can go and get breakfast, only to get there too late because I overslept. I want all that. Forever.
You know, a couple of years ago, I needed a picture of me, with a very specific angle. I looked in my profile pictures folder and thought that old picture of us together could work, so I took it and cropped it.
I never used it; I couldn’t. When I saw it, something wasn’t right. It just didn’t work, because it HAS to have both of us. It’s nowhere near as good if it doesn’t. Exactly like life, it has to have both of us together. It’s nowhere near as good if it does not.
Because we know life can work with us going our separate ways, never knowing about each other until a friend mentions that, by the way did, you hear, the other one is getting married. Just one more little pinch to the heart.
It could work when one of us accidentally stumbles upon one of our emails (which Gmail works very hard to keep), reads a couple of sentences and closes it, before the pinch evolves into full fledged nostalgia. Life could still work.
Or when I see you in the credits of some TV show, or you see my name in the context of whatever it is I end up doing, and reminisce, even for just 5 seconds, having yet another little pinch to the heart. It would go on.
Or maybe I’m getting too arrogant. Perhaps (and most likely you feel like this right now) your heart wouldn’t feel a pinch. Perhaps you could know about my wedding, find my email, see my name somewhere and not feel a thing. You’d brush it off swiftly, and get on with your day.
But then, life wouldn’t be IT. It couldn’t. And I know that deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, very deep inside, you know that too.
Because we were made for one another. You know that. We just fit. You know that. Just like—once again—our hands fit together. Just like I know exactly how much pressure I should put in your cheeks when I grab them, or when I hug you. It’s so perfect it’s scary, you’ve said before. You know that. I know that.
And I also know you’ve said you know how I feel, what I’m going through, and that you understand. Well, it’s different. It’s different because I’ve been there myself. And we made it out of it. I’m sure you can remember.
I’m gonna ride the arrogance wave up until the end of this paragraph right here, and tell you that despite everything that we’ve done, your bad choices, my piss poor decisions, despite the fact that I broke your heart several times and you did truly break mine more than once, I know we CAN be happy together. That I can make you happy. I wouldn’t try anything if I didn’t KNOW that without a doubt.
I’m not saying it’s gonna be easy. But one or two handsome kids—or furballs—with both of our last names, would be worth it a million times over, without one single shed of doubt. Things like that are worth more than anything. YOU are worth more than anything.
I love you. I really do.
- Guy
***
Dear Doesn't Understand,
All of these things mean you’re human.
They mean you’re not perfect, but neither am I. Neither is anyone else.
It means you’re listening to lies that say you’re not good enough.
Lies that say you’re not worth anything, that no one could ever like you, that you can’t do anything right.
I’ve heard all those lies before.
And they’re exactly that — LIES.
When you see someone you know, acknowledge them. Even if you’re afraid.
When you want to give someone a hug, hug them. Especially if you need a hug.
When you’re with a friend, tell them what’s on your mind. Chances are they want to know.
When you don’t trust yourself enough to love, take the chance. You might get hurt, but it’s almost always worth the risk. Because loving someone, even just platonically, will always make life a little brighter.
When you compare yourself to someone else, stop. And remember that you’re not them, so you don’t have to be anything like them. Being yourself is so much more freeing than trying to be someone else.
When you’re jealous of your best friend but you know you should be happy for them, focus on being happy for them. Remember that good things happen to everyone in their own time.
When you don’t want to go out, don’t worry about it! Invite a friend over and stay in, watch a movie, eat pizza, have fun.
When you think people won’t miss you, remember that we impact people far beyond what we realize and chances are someone, somewhere, does miss you.
When you think no one could possibly understand you, remember that your troubles aren’t unique. Someone does understand. Sometimes it’s just harder than you want it to be to find that person.
You’re you. Embrace that.
And enjoy life.
Love,
Someone who understands
They mean you’re not perfect, but neither am I. Neither is anyone else.
It means you’re listening to lies that say you’re not good enough.
Lies that say you’re not worth anything, that no one could ever like you, that you can’t do anything right.
I’ve heard all those lies before.
And they’re exactly that — LIES.
When you see someone you know, acknowledge them. Even if you’re afraid.
When you want to give someone a hug, hug them. Especially if you need a hug.
When you’re with a friend, tell them what’s on your mind. Chances are they want to know.
When you don’t trust yourself enough to love, take the chance. You might get hurt, but it’s almost always worth the risk. Because loving someone, even just platonically, will always make life a little brighter.
When you compare yourself to someone else, stop. And remember that you’re not them, so you don’t have to be anything like them. Being yourself is so much more freeing than trying to be someone else.
When you’re jealous of your best friend but you know you should be happy for them, focus on being happy for them. Remember that good things happen to everyone in their own time.
When you don’t want to go out, don’t worry about it! Invite a friend over and stay in, watch a movie, eat pizza, have fun.
When you think people won’t miss you, remember that we impact people far beyond what we realize and chances are someone, somewhere, does miss you.
When you think no one could possibly understand you, remember that your troubles aren’t unique. Someone does understand. Sometimes it’s just harder than you want it to be to find that person.
You’re you. Embrace that.
And enjoy life.
Love,
Someone who understands
***
and the SWEETEST ;)
Dear Future Wife:
Hi.
I haven’t met you yet, but I’m sure you’re the most beautiful woman that God has ever created. We were made for each other, y’know. I think that’s how it works, anyway.
I haven’t met you yet, but I’m sure you’re the most beautiful woman that God has ever created. We were made for each other, y’know. I think that’s how it works, anyway.
I just wanted to get a few things straight before we find each other. Just clear the air, if you will. Our life together is going to be great, let me assure you. It won’t always be easy, but I love you and love me. We love the Lord, and he won’t give up on us. We’re going to live in the best house I can afford to buy for us. I haven’t really decided on a fence yet, because those are kind of tricky to mow around. Input is welcomed on that, as it always will be. I’ll love you unconditionally; if for nothing else because you picked a short awkward boy to spend the rest of your life with. I’ll wear a tie sometimes for no other reason but just to look somewhat presentable standing next to the most astounding beauty this world has ever seen. You’ll wear a white summer dress on warm days, and we’ll relax in the back yard with made-from-the-container lemonade, making sure our kids don’t kill each other (P.S. can I please please please name our boy Oliver?) We’ll send the kids to school and then head to our respective jobs (if that’s what you want. You can stay home too, that’s entirely up to you) We’ll put bows in our daughter’s hair and she’ll forever be daddy’s little girl. She’s gonna get older, and I’m going to have problems with that. I’m going to have to pray every day for the Lord to give me strength not to hurt any boys that she might bring over. Our boy will take after his father, and he’ll be a big nerd at heart. Hope that’s cool with you. I’ll play music and you’ll sing; and it will be beautiful. We’ll have my friends and your friends over for dinner and we’ll laugh at each other endlessly. We’ll hold hands when we’re old, and walk around the park to get some exercise in. I’ll always reply “Absolutely not, you are the most beautiful woman I know” to the “Do I look fat in this?” question. We’ll read the bible to each other and our children, building our life entirely on Christ. We’ll love and appreciate art. We’ll be cultured. We’ll travel when we can. And I will always, always, always love you.
Love,
Your Future husband.
Never mine.
God has taught me a lesson yesterday (week/month/year?). I was so emotionally beaten down yesterday. So last night, I decided to go on a walk to think/pray/meditate. I couldn't seem to walk far enough to calm the stirring in my heart. As I was walking and listening to Audrey Assad her song Everything Is Yours came on. The lyrics say:
Everything is Yours
If everything is Yours
I'm letting go
No, it was never mine to hold
No, never mine
I about fell over on the sidewalk, overcome with emotion. I seem to go through these vicious cycles of realizing I need to surrender things/people/dreams to God and then it's not long before I look down and I have those things/people/dreams clenched in my fists again. I thought I learned these lessons last year.
Everything is Yours
If everything is Yours
I'm letting go
No, it was never mine to hold
No, never mine
I about fell over on the sidewalk, overcome with emotion. I seem to go through these vicious cycles of realizing I need to surrender things/people/dreams to God and then it's not long before I look down and I have those things/people/dreams clenched in my fists again. I thought I learned these lessons last year.
These things were never supposed to be mine. At least not forever. I came to the realization that while these things are good, they are not God's BEST for me.
Do you know what that means? God has something BETTER for me, than what I had planned for myself. Wow. Now that is what I need to remember, especially when my heart is feeling broken.
Do you know what that means? God has something BETTER for me, than what I had planned for myself. Wow. Now that is what I need to remember, especially when my heart is feeling broken.
Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:18-19
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Wednesday Inspiration
Hello lovelies. I don't know about you, but I could use some inspiration and creativity in my life. I've been so busy that I feel like I'm rushing through tasks and life and I've stopped taking the time to appreciate the small things, restore myself and spend time with God.
How do you take care of yourself or find inspiration in busy seasons of your life?
How do you take care of yourself or find inspiration in busy seasons of your life?
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Rumour has it.
1.Are you ready for some questions that you barely find in other surveys?
- Yes.
2.Who is your last kiss?
- Mom. Just this morning when I left
3.How do you feel right now?
- Very happy.
4.What was the first thing you did this morning?
- Obviously I opened my eyes and then thanked God for giving me another day :)
5.Are you going to be one hundred percent honest?
- Yes, certainly.
6.Do you hate anyone?
- I don't hate anyone.
7.Are you going to be home tonight?
- Yes.
8.Someone knocks on your window at 2 am, what do you say?
- "How may I help you?"
9.Do you feel awkward when strangers say hi to you?
- Sometimes.
10.Do you hate being alone?
- No.
11.Has the opposite sex ever written you a poem?
- Yes.
12.Do you give out second chances too easily?
- Yes.
13.If you die today would your life be complete?
- Not yet. I still have lots of plans for my life. :)
14.Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?
- Yes.
15.Is there anything you need to tell anyone?
- Yes
16.Last person you talked on the phone with?
- Mommy.
17.Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up?
- Yes.
18.Are you missing anyone?
- Yes, always.
19.Have you ever felt like you weren't good enough?
- Of course.
20.Do you dislike it when people don't show emotion?
- Yes.
21.Are you afraid to fall in love?
- No. I love love. :D
22.How many windows are open on your computer?
-
23.Do you like being single?
- As of the moment, no.
24. Would you ever get your nipples pierced?
- Hell no.
25.How many exes do you have?
- 2.
26.Who were you with last night?
- Ken.
28.Does anyone know your password besides you?
- Yes.
29.Do you want to see somebody right now?
- Yes.
30.Would you rather sing or dance in front of 100,000 people?
- Sing AND dance! :)
31.Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
- Yes. hehe
32.How often do you talk on the phone?
- Not that much,
33.Last person you were on the phone with for more than 20 minutes?
- Ken.
34. Do you often cry?
- I often smile. :)
35.Why?
- because when you smile to the world, the world will smile to you, too. :*
Sunday, April 1, 2012
TODAY MY LIFE BEGINS,
It's been a long time, I didn't write something for my blog. It also reflects how busy I am for the last days. Today I'm going to blog about my graduation day. It is one of my proudest moments ever and I hope you guys don't mind me sharing this. Last Friday was my graduation ceremony which marked my four years in a prestigious university graduated with Bachelor in Public Administration. If you guys know me, I love talking. I love healthy arguments and debate. I love dealing with people. So here I am, finally a graduate in Bachelor in Public Administration. yippie!
The day I graduated, means a lot to me. (1) The day allows me to prove to my parents that I did well in School and that I never wasted the money they used to send me to School. (2) The day allow me to see how many true friends I have, I'm not asking for graduation gift, but how many of them can really REMEMBER AND GREET ME, or come over and celebrate the day with me. Thanks to all of you, I appreciate it.
TO THOSE UNDERGRAD, who scattered the rumor that I failed one of my subjects and that I cannot graduate, Well, what can you say now? ;)
I really waited for this day to come. Waiting is a term I am quite familiar with. (As seen in previous life experiences/blog posts.) I used to think that my life was defined by waiting, perhaps all of life is. As children we wait for the day when we'll be big teenagers. As teenagers we wait anxiously to graduate from high school and be treated like adults. As college students we wait to graduate from college so we can go live in the "real world" (and engage the culture and change the world. Then there is waiting to find the job, the spouse, the house and have the kids.
Sometimes life seems like one big waiting room. I once heard someone define patience as long-suffering; the truth in that makes me laugh. Sometimes being patient certainly can feel like that. So is life just about waiting with long-suffering? Some days I would completely agree, but not today. Today I have a new perspective.
I'm learning that in between those big moments, in the waiting time, that's when life happens. Those are the moments that count and too often we miss them because we are so busy waiting and wishing life away. I am the first one to admit my guilt. So often I am waiting for the next big thing to happen and change my life that I often miss the small and most important moments in life. The irony is that usually it's those small moments and choices that lead to the major life changes.
I want to learn to live in the moment. (Not the "rash-make-stupid-decisions" living in the moment.) We've all been told countless times, "It's the journey, not the destination." I need to work on enjoying my days instead of wishing life away or worrying about the future. This month has helped to reinforce that. So what if most days I'm totally lost and feel like a complete mess? That doesn't have to stop me from living a wonderful life. (You know my depression about the laude thing, right?)
I'm learning that in between those big moments, in the waiting time, that's when life happens. Those are the moments that count and too often we miss them because we are so busy waiting and wishing life away. I am the first one to admit my guilt. So often I am waiting for the next big thing to happen and change my life that I often miss the small and most important moments in life. The irony is that usually it's those small moments and choices that lead to the major life changes.
To the people who helped me to become who I am today, read THIS.
Friday, March 23, 2012
I THOUGHT I'VE MOVED ON.
TRICIA COLEEN LEDESMA-VALLAR, BACHELOR IN PUBLIC ADMINISTRATION, CUM LAUDE.
TRICIA COLEEN LEDESMA-VALLAR, BACHELOR IN PUBLIC ADMINISTRATION, CUM LAUDE
TRICIA COLEEN LEDESMA-VALLAR, BACHELOR IN PUBLIC ADMINISTRATION, CUM LAUDE
Reality now speaks. It was just a dream.
A week from now, I'm going to finish college. That was the simplest goal I had few months ago - to graduate. Yes, as simple as that but just this week, I heard a news that I am capable to be one of the honors but unfortunately, I'm disqualified since I am a shiftee. It may sound really lame but that is what's written in the handbook. *insert sad face here.
I already know last summer that once you're a shiftee, you cannot be qualified to be in the honors list. That's a fact I already accepted 10 months ago. Suddenly, I once again received a news like " honor unta ka, dili lang pwede kay shifee ka". I THOUGHT I'VE MOVED ON. I think it was better when I didn't know. I was really disappointed and I've had a lot of
"IF ONLY..."
But just when I felt very down and upset, a few of my real friends texted me and cheered me up. I felt so happy and I felt so special. They told me that there's more to life than regretting about what I've heard. Certainly, grades won't define you - character does.
... because of what happened, I remember the thoughts shared by some people during the recollection we had last Saturday. The theme was "A journey to Success". To God, Success means being the person God wants you to be. I barely understand if there's something good about what had happen to me but I know that it's God's plan. I may not be able to understand it now but someday, I will. During the recollection, I sent messages to my friends that "When in doubt, Jeremiah 29:11"
This verse in the bible was repeated several times by the speakers themselves. It somehow gives us inspiration that whatever happens to us, God always has something good for us... that God never leaves us. All we have to do is to trust Him and cask all our doubts to Him. These plans that God set for us will never harm us, it will even bring us to prosperity.
I know there's a benefit of being a cum laude like exempting yourself from the civil service examination.. but I know that even if I failed to be one of the honor students, I still consider myself a winner for passing all my exams. I dedicate this to my parents whose faces I saw every time I answered my exams. They are my inspiration.
With the kind of life right now, there's nothing more to ask for.
I THOUGHT I'VE MOVED ON.... and I was right, I already did. *smile
To all graduating students, I wanna share something that is worth-reading.. click THIS.
TRICIA COLEEN LEDESMA-VALLAR, BACHELOR IN PUBLIC ADMINISTRATION, CUM LAUDE
TRICIA COLEEN LEDESMA-VALLAR, BACHELOR IN PUBLIC ADMINISTRATION, CUM LAUDE
Reality now speaks. It was just a dream.
Last year 2008, I enrolled myself at Mindanao University of Science and Technology with the course Bachelor of Science in Information Technology as a scholar. It wasn't really my choice since I already decided to be enrolled in Bachelor in Public Administration since it was newly offered by the school. Unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to avail my scholarship if I'll have that course so I was forced to took BS IT. After a year, I wasn't really happy with my grades specially with my major subject - tres. what a shame. My mom advised me to shift so I was happy to be enrolled with the course I really wanted in the first place. Luckily, with perseverance and hard work, I'm going to finish my second course for three years instead of four years. That's the reason why I'll still graduate this 2012 even if I shifted. ( Basically when you shift, you'll have yo extend 1 year in college)
A week from now, I'm going to finish college. That was the simplest goal I had few months ago - to graduate. Yes, as simple as that but just this week, I heard a news that I am capable to be one of the honors but unfortunately, I'm disqualified since I am a shiftee. It may sound really lame but that is what's written in the handbook. *insert sad face here.
I already know last summer that once you're a shiftee, you cannot be qualified to be in the honors list. That's a fact I already accepted 10 months ago. Suddenly, I once again received a news like " honor unta ka, dili lang pwede kay shifee ka". I THOUGHT I'VE MOVED ON. I think it was better when I didn't know. I was really disappointed and I've had a lot of
"IF ONLY..."
But just when I felt very down and upset, a few of my real friends texted me and cheered me up. I felt so happy and I felt so special. They told me that there's more to life than regretting about what I've heard. Certainly, grades won't define you - character does.
 |
| My Desktop background during the time when... *BLAH BLAH BLAHS |
... because of what happened, I remember the thoughts shared by some people during the recollection we had last Saturday. The theme was "A journey to Success". To God, Success means being the person God wants you to be. I barely understand if there's something good about what had happen to me but I know that it's God's plan. I may not be able to understand it now but someday, I will. During the recollection, I sent messages to my friends that "When in doubt, Jeremiah 29:11"
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
This verse in the bible was repeated several times by the speakers themselves. It somehow gives us inspiration that whatever happens to us, God always has something good for us... that God never leaves us. All we have to do is to trust Him and cask all our doubts to Him. These plans that God set for us will never harm us, it will even bring us to prosperity.
I know there's a benefit of being a cum laude like exempting yourself from the civil service examination.. but I know that even if I failed to be one of the honor students, I still consider myself a winner for passing all my exams. I dedicate this to my parents whose faces I saw every time I answered my exams. They are my inspiration.
With the kind of life right now, there's nothing more to ask for.
I THOUGHT I'VE MOVED ON.... and I was right, I already did. *smile
To all graduating students, I wanna share something that is worth-reading.. click THIS.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Commandment #10: Stay in touch
This commandment is actually more challenging for me than it sounds. Honestly, I am terrible at staying in touch with friends. It is a little easier if they live nearby, but even then I might see those friends once a month. And then there are all my friends who live out of the city, maintaining those relationships is challenging.
I’m a walking contradiction. I LOVE my friendships. I THRIVE on them. I just stink at putting in the effort. My super lame excuse is that I dislike talking on the phone. I know. Lame.
I think it is safe to say that my friends know that I love them, but I want to put some action behind that love.
Friendships take a lot of work. It’s especially difficult to maintain and nurture those relationships when many of my friends are spread out all over the country. So that is where this commandment comes in. I want to make an effort. Whether it is texting more often, a comment on facebook, skyping, taking the time to write a handwritten card, sending a care package or even taking a trip, I want to be a better friend.
Dear friends,
Many of you live far from me. Others of you live close, yet we don’t see each other as often as I’d like. I miss all of you like crazy. I hate not being there and not knowing the everyday details of your life. I miss talking to you everyday about everything and absolutely nothing. I miss laughing with you. I miss going on random adventures. You have helped shape me and make me who I am. I hope and pray that you will forever be a part of my life. Thank you for allowing me to be myself with you. Thank you for accepting me as I am.
I love you dearly,
Tricia
I’m a walking contradiction. I LOVE my friendships. I THRIVE on them. I just stink at putting in the effort. My super lame excuse is that I dislike talking on the phone. I know. Lame.
I think it is safe to say that my friends know that I love them, but I want to put some action behind that love.
Friendships take a lot of work. It’s especially difficult to maintain and nurture those relationships when many of my friends are spread out all over the country. So that is where this commandment comes in. I want to make an effort. Whether it is texting more often, a comment on facebook, skyping, taking the time to write a handwritten card, sending a care package or even taking a trip, I want to be a better friend.
Dear friends,
Many of you live far from me. Others of you live close, yet we don’t see each other as often as I’d like. I miss all of you like crazy. I hate not being there and not knowing the everyday details of your life. I miss talking to you everyday about everything and absolutely nothing. I miss laughing with you. I miss going on random adventures. You have helped shape me and make me who I am. I hope and pray that you will forever be a part of my life. Thank you for allowing me to be myself with you. Thank you for accepting me as I am.
I love you dearly,
Tricia
Friday, March 16, 2012
I WAS BROKEN.. BEFORE.
A person who barely knows me will describe me as someone who is a problem-free person. He would surely describe me as someone who never felt sadness, pain, so on and so forth...
There is for sure a reason why I posted this, I don’t know, there’s just this something that pushes me to continue writing and I don’t know but I’m pretty sure as well that there’s a reason why you’re reading this. If you’re going to ask me now if I’m happy, I’d surely say yes and if you’ll ask me why am I happy, I’d surely say “I chose to be happy”. YES, I chose to be happy. To be honest, it took me almost a year to have this choice.
Heartbreak, it is. Yes, like any other girls out there, I also experienced how it feels to be heart-broken, to be dumped and worst, to be rejected. It’s the lamest most bullshark feeling a person who is sensitive like me, would ever ever felt. Today, March 15, 2012, is supposed to be a year after I was rejected. That’s why if you have noticed, I said it took me almost a year to make a choice to be happy. Glad it didn’t really take me a year though or more than a year. It was last year when I cried for an unreciprocated love with someone else. That’s why I really know the feeling of being rejected especially with someone you respected, cared of, and truly loved. It was last year, when in just a blink of an eye I received thru facebook lines like this:
“This won’t work out. I know it’s hard. Sakit man gyapon sa ako kay in a short period of time, napamahal na ako. Pero trish, if kita gyud then maybe we’ll see each other in the future diba? I just want to be of myself now. The next time I’ll fall in love, I’ll make it sure it would be for forever. Sorry. Friends?”
I already memorized that line since I kept reading that before when every time I asked myself “WHY?”
The person who sent me that never really had a relationship with me. This made his lines awkward if I was in his place. You know what I’m talking about, right? He never courted. He just told me that he loves me, he cares for me and he was very proud to have me. I felt the same way too; I even introduced him to my mom before.
While I was reading those lines, tears immediately fell like a small stream. I didn’t know what to reply. I even called my aunt to ask her what to reply. At first I replied, “If that will make you happy okay, friends :) “But few hours after, I replied again but it was more detailed. It was like asking him “WHY SO SUDDEN?”.
During those times, I self-pitied. I blamed myself for not being able to be the girl he wanted me to be. I had sleepless nights. I then slowly realized that maybe he didn’t really love me. Maybe he thought it was love. Maybe he needed to focus in his studies. Maybe just maybe, he still loves his High School sweetheart whom he usually mentioned to me. . .
“Si kuan bitaw kay..”
“Si kuan bitaw kay..”
“Si kuan bitaw kay..”
It was honestly hard for me to move on since I didn’t know how. Ugh. It was something I JUST felt for heaven’s sake! Every time I opened my facebook before, I immediately go to his profile and just see nothing. I should have reminded myself he was not a facebook geek. I over think before which lead me to frustrations. There was even a time when I read a status from him which says “Wth. Called her. What was I thinking?”. I then told myself, “Okay, they’re together now”. Why did I have to think like that? Why did I have to view his facebook? Why did I have to know WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO US? Wait, was there such word as “US” for him? . All I needed before was to tell me the reason and all he said was “WALA KO KABALO”. Like, how come he didn’t know? Normally, there’s always a reason WHY you do such things. There’s no such thing as YOU DO NOT KNOW when you’re the one who made the decision. RIGHT? I also wanted him to tell me why or just see me in person and talked about it and then he said “Wala natay storyahan trish”. Ouch.
My tita told me “Pau
“I’m sorry if I cannot produce flowery words that can make butterflies in your stomach but all I know is that I LOVE YOU and I’M PROUD THAT I MET YOU”
“I don’t know why I’m drawn to you this fast but all I know is that I miss you kung dili ta magkita”
“You deserve to be respected”
“I can’t afford to lose you at an early age so you better take good care of yourself”
“Gusto ko ikaw akong ulian permi after board”
If a person tells you he loves you, he’s proud to have you and that he can never afford to lose you, there’s no guarantee that he will never leave you. I’m not bitter about this but it would be more wonderful if a person will prove his love thru his actions and not thru lip service. This goes to a saying which says “Action speaks louder than words”. Don’t give false hope to someone you truly love and care about. MEAN WHAT YOU SAY and SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. Don’t go in between.
A month after, I met someone new who told me he knows the feeling of being broken-hearted. He was there too, he added. I thought everything will turn out to be so good since we both experienced pain in our previous love but I was wrong.
This guy I’m talking about courted for just a month. I didn’t take it any longer since I trusted him a lot. I believed in him. He even told me was lucky to have me and that how stupid the guy I fell in love before to leave me with no apparent reason. I was so sure that he will never leave me. During our first month of being together as a couple, we never had a fight. We were always happy. We couldn’t stand not to see each other even just a day. He introduced me to his family which gave me an assurance that he will really take good care of me. My parents also knew about our relationship.
We reached two months of being together until one night I received a text saying “Sorry, I can’t continue”. I was like “WHAAAT? WHY? PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO ME.” I even told him “Let’s talk about this in person” he just told me “Wala natay storyahan trish”. OHEM! That line was so familiar. I bet it’s already a cliché. I wanted to call him but he just told me that he’ll turn off his phone. Dammit.I was never able to sleep that night. I was awake for more than 24 hours. I did everything to make him stay. I did everything, honestly. I even begged for him and cried in front of him. WHAT A LOSER. WHAT A SHAME. Bullshark.
Few days after, he came back. He told me how sorry he was and that he wanted to go back from the start and again, I believed. That’s how stupid I was. Few days after again, he broke up with me, he came back again and he broke up with me for four times. What The Freaaak.
One night, even after what he did, I texted him “Please don’t make me miss you so much” he replied saying “Start missing me, we’re done!” Yes, with an exclamation point.
I then decided to move on.
It wasn’t hard for me to move on maybe because there’s a reason for me to do so. I mean, why would I force myself to someone who rejected me for four times, right?
I then started hanging out with some friends. I surrounded myself with happy people. Along the way, I had some kinda different environment from where I was used to. I gave Ken that time a chance to befriend me. I know we’re already friends for years already but we never had that kind of bond. I only treated him as a friend, at first. I didn’t want to have a relationship anymore. I think I became bitter. I always generalize all men being like those guys I met which is actually a mistake. During those times, the guy who recently dumped me came back for the nth time and told me he was sorry, that he only wanted to look for his self and that he’s already sure he found his self. He even gave me a letter which perhaps I must say; summed up all the things he wanted to say. I wanted to believe. I wanted to give it a try again but my heart already said “NO”. My heart voluntarily quitted. I just told him before that the next time you court girl, stand for your decision. As one of my favorite songs says, “Love is not a place to come and go as we please”.
I thought I was already okay few months ago. I thought being with Ken, without any commitment, is something I wanted. I watched 500 days of summer and I agreed with what Summer said; “Relationships are messy and feelings are always getting hurt”. I never realized I became bitter and slowly hurting Ken. There were times before that I just suddenly told Ken that I don’t wanna see him again. I don’t wanna hang out with him. THAT I STILL LOVE THE GUY WHO FIRST BROKE MY HEART. Which I know was a total slapped on his face. Ken, being so nice, still stayed with me and I’m sure it’s not usually what guys do. Ken just told me that nobody can help me not even the guy who broke my heart. Ken told me that he will always love me and that he wants the best of me even if it means breaking his heart. Awwwwe. =’<
I gave myself a break. I prayed and God didn’t really make me suffer. God answered all the questions the guy who first broke my heart couldn’t answer. I cried. I was so happy. God took all my fears. God didn’t take all the pieces of my broken heart. He gave me a new heart! The moment I didn’t search for love, LOVE HAS SOMEHOW FOUND ME. PLUS PLUS, Ken, formally asked my parent’s permission. He told my mom that his intentions are good. WHAT A PLUS FACTOR. I don’t wanna talk more about me and Ken since all you have to do is read THIS and THIS.
I realized I already was in love to Ken, but I was just too scared... too scared to be rejected for the third time. It was just so amazing that the man whom I truly deserve was just there all along and I failed to see him.
I deserved to be happy. I chose to be happy.
It was on a valentine’s day last year when I met the one who first broke my heart, THE ONE WHO GOT AWAY. READ THIS AND THIS. It’s such a blessing to finally meet the guy I’m now very sure of. (READ THIS) GUYS ARE NOT ALL THE SAME. There are still good guys out there. I’m not saying the previous two guys in my life were not good maybe they were just roads that lead me to the man I truly deserve. Maybe those two guys were made for someone and I hope the next time they’ll fall in love, they’ll make it sure first. I’ll share to you guys the poem which Patty Laurel shared on her blog..
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I’m not saying now that Ken will be the man I’ll end up with but we will both work things out and we will both make it sure we’ll surpass all the obstacles that are coming on our way as we move forward to the most beautiful adventure we call -- LIFE.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)