A Broken Heart's Prayer. é.è

Dear Lord,

My friends say that it will heal in time. They say I should busy myself with this and that, date with this guy and that guy. But I don't know Lord. Are these the things that can make me believe in love once again? Are these the things that can relieve this pain I feel in my heart? I am not only hurting, Lord. I feel so angry that I couldn't do anything to avenge myself for this kind of suffering I do not deserve. Do I not deserve true love Lord? Do I not deserve loyalty, sincerity and respect? He makes me feel so bad, Lord. He makes me feel so bad about myself. I built my whole world around him, and he took it all away. I built my self esteem upon his admiration, and he trampled upon it as though it were trash. How can he not feel guilty for what he has done? How can he suddenly be so happy now? 

Please help me Lord, I really don't know what to do. Only your words can comfort me. Only your embrace can soothe my pain. I have given everything I could my Lord, and there is nothing more I can give. I kneel before you now, crushed and broken, empty and afraid to be alone. Hide me under your wings, hold me in your loving arms. Say unto me again how much you love me. Say unto me that you have called me yours and you will never ever let me go. Though men may fail, you remain faithful, steadfast and immovable as a rock. Though men may judge me for all the faults they see in me, you see my heart and reveal to me the beautiful soul you see in me. Help me to let go of my pain, teach me toforgive those who do not even ask my forgiveness. This burden is something I shouldn't carry in my heart. This trouble is not something I should trade away my peace for. I know that I have been done wrong, the things that have happened had been so unfair. Sometimes life's like that. Many things in this life really seem so unfair. But let me not continue being unfair to myself. Let me not punish myself anymore for the things others have done.

I offer unto you my wounded heart, my broken heart.  I know it is you my Lord who will uphold me in the end. If he cannot give me the reason I nedd, help me to understand my Lord. Let me not lose hope. Let me not cast away everything that's good and beautiful in this life. I know that there is so much more in store for me. I know how much love I can still give away because it is you who fills me with everything that I'll ever need. You are the one who loves me truly, eternally, unconditionally. You are the one who has always been there for me and always will be there for me. You are my one true love. You are my forever. You are my strength and my peace and my joy. Surely in your presence Lord, I do not need anything more.

Amen.

BOK.

 I don’t know what words to be use for me to catch your attention but I think I just caught your attention. Hahaha. Pointless ae? Anyway, I just wanna let you know that I’m very thankful to have someone like you.  I know even though we never had a commitment before but deep in our hearts there is this something that constantly connects us even though time had set us apart.  Honestly, the time when I had to decide whom to choose, It wasn’t really easy at all but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t faithful enough to you or to the things I told you and made you feel—you know what I mean. Well maybe that’s just how God planned it. I know I will always have a special part in your heart and you will also have a special part in my heart even if it means being just friends. There’s nothing wrong with that right? :)

I’m really thankful for the love shared and for the time you spent with me during those times I really needed someone to pamper my childish acts. I believe that what you showed me before weren’t lip services because aside from your actions, you also made me feel that I should be given importance and be respected well.

I know that I have hurt you in any way but you know that I was deeply sorry for the pain I caused you. I talked with you and explained to you 8 months ago that sometimes, it’s not always a matter of choice.  I am hurt when I read your comment to a status in a fan page saying “she left me hanging”. Did I? Or maybe that wasn't for me?? :) ‘cause you know what? I explained to you why I needed to chose the other right? :(

I’m doing this because I fully understand what you felt before. Though it’s more painful in my case yet, I now understand that it’s never really easy to have a broken heart

I cannot say that this is karma because karma is for Hindus. Kidding ;) I don’t believe in karma but I believe that in every action, there’s an equivalent reaction. 

I am happy because you’re completely happy now and the thought that you and I are still friends despite of the things we’ve been through like- deleting you in my fb, deleting my tagged posts in your wall, ignored text messages and many other kid stuff actions...  still, we’re friends and that is more important to me now.

Funny it may seem, I consider you as my boy version :) I don’t know if you noticed that.

Ciao!

PS.  Didn’t you know that you taught me to be more faithful to Him? Now you know :) God is always good so always be STILL.

FRIENDS FOREVER TA PERO SOLID SMART KA! HAHA :D

-sweetie <3

LEARNING IS FUN.

I guess the greatest lesson I must LEARN in life  is to NEVER invest deep feelings for someone, NEVER hope that they'll love you the way you want them to, NEVER expect that those sweet gestures and sweet words are true 'coz eventually, everything becomes a past. Sooner or later, they'll drop you off and will leave you nothing. So train yourself to let go of the things you FEAR to LOSE so when they're gone, you won't feel dumb and pathetic all along.


-monster.ü