I fell in love with my bestest friend :)

I love US. I love you and I love myself which makes US so perfect for each other. I love everything about you. I love how you say my name, I love the way you grab and hold my hand and squeeze it so tight, I love the way you sing to me, I love how you touch my face with both hands, I love every time you look at me because you always looked at me the way you look at a below zero beer the way I always wanted to be looked at.

Like any other ordinary hopeless romantic people, we had our own fair share of heartbreak stories at some point in our lives well as for me, it didn’t only happened once. Maybe because I was the kind of girl who loves so much that I forgot to love myself which was totally wrong and I was a bit naive of how really love supposed to work and as for you, you had your own story to tell too. I bet yours was more difficult. We lived in a different world before. I don’t even think I’d fit in to your world but even though you lived totally different from me I will tell you upfront that I have always loved you since the day you chose me to be your friend. 

We are not “High School Sweethearts” way back then. I didn’t even remember we were teased by our classmates. We were more of “Just Friends” but unlike most of my friends, we never hanged out more often like how friends should supposed to hang out but when we do, we talk deeply about each others lives and I am amazed as to how we keenly listened to one another. I don’t know but there’s this something in you that makes me really want to listen. I hugged you during our retreat because you cried for a reason but I also laughed at you when you really wanted to go home because you badly needed to go to the toilet. Every time we see each other in School, we always feel excited of greeting each other but you always do it with an insult. *laughs*

It was the last school year in High School.. the time when we were about to graduate when I commended you for being so good in playing the guitar then you told me “Frndzt, ikaw baya reason nag tuon gyud ko ug guitar kay kadto 1^st year ta palag kaayo ko nga babae ka pero kabalo paka mo guitar sa ako.” You have NO IDEA how happy I was to hear those words from you. Even if you didn’t see it I always cared for you. I always prayed that life will offer you good things. When we were in college, the more we didn’t had a lot of time to hang out and talk about life updates but I was by afar looking at you and hoping that you are doing well in School and you are simply happy with whoever you are with. :’) There was even a time when I saw you held hands with our common friend and felt weird emotion while asking myself “Ngano siya man? Nga mas close man unta mi”. Hihihihih =’> but I never nurtured that feeling for I know then that we are only friends. Just friends.

I know maybe 90 percent of your darkest secrets because you shared everything to me without doubts. Sometimes I wondered if you’ve forgotten that I’m a girl so never in my wildest dreams that I wanted to be with someone like you. I’m sorry. I just have to say this and it’s your fault. You told me everything about your relationships with women before BUT BUT BUT, even though I know your darkest side and even though I know all your “bad” whereabouts, I still looked at you as a good man. I know that you have something within that is so good and you just have to show it off. 

Fast forward... there were those times in our lives when we never heard about each other and we both know why. I was disappointed at you for some apparent reasons but I chose to understand you and love you even how messed up you think you were. I will even pick up a fight for you. You know I hate it so much when I hear people talk bad things about you. I hate it when some people humiliates you in social media and I’d go like “Look who’s talking?” . *bitch face on* 

The time when we saw each other you told me everything I failed to know and it was like my heart was crushed knowing how sad you were and I can’t even do anything to make you feel whole again. You know I’d always be there for you when you needed me. You clearly know that. 

Out of the blue, after a year and a half when we were already waters away. I came to see you in the city where you currently live and our lives changed after that day. That day when you had the courage to tell me how much you love me. How much you longed for me to be yours. How much you waited for that perfect timing and I think that time was so perfect. We didn't plan it. We didn't even talked  with each other before that day but the time when you held my hand and looked straight into my eyes while saying “Gusto kaayo taka. Gusto kaayo taka sauna pa”. I know that was genuine. What made me proud of you was you didnt force me to be yours right away. 

When I talked with a few people about the confession you made, I heard different stories but I always know that there is something good in you. I know that despite of your Hey-why-dont-pick-up-someoen-with-your-ow

n-size image there is that sweet side of you that only the lucky one can experience and sorry girls, that’s me. :) 

I am so thankful for giving me the kind of love that I always wanted. For taking care of me even if you’re far away. For giving me your time no matter how busy you are and I will forever be grateful that you were courageous enough to finally let me know how much you love me. I have never ever felt so adored in my life and you do it so easily. I have never felt so important to anyone until you came. You are the sweetest man alive. I cannot even believe you can do sweet things like giving me flowers on my birthday. It was the first time I received a flower, balloons, cake and a card from my significant other on my birthday. You looked at me like I am the most beautiful girl on earth. You showed me the love I always dreamed of having. Now,  we do not have tell each other that we lived in two different worlds because the world we live now  is the same already.  I love you very much and I cannot even create the most perfect lines to tell you how I really feel.I know it’s still too early to say but I want you to be the one for me forever. I wanna make up with those times wasted being someones girlfriend. I want to take care of you. I want to  be the one you're gonna spend your whole life with. Please let me be. 

I love you always. All ways. 

Loving someone who does not love you back.

This is probably one of the most painful feeling anyone can experience.Yes unrequited love is one of the worst experiences one can have and one of the ones that gets the least sympathy from your fellows. Falling in love is akin to an addiction.. being in unrequited love ( either from a distance, or after being rejected) is like being in a permanent state of withdrawal - you never heal while there is any contact at all with the person, you just have to get away from them completely and then let time take its course. I cannot even create the exact words on how to make someone feel better when there love is not reciprocated. It hurts, I know.. I know because I experienced it but that did not stop from enjoying life.



 Loving someone who does not love you is the best example of loving unconditionally. You just love without expecting in return. This happens usually when you fall in love with someone very close to you. That person may be your childhood friend, your seatmate during your Chemistry subject, your colleague, or your best friend. When that happens, at first you try to deny it but clearly you cannot because that's just how you feel. That person that was just a "friend" became someone you love dearly and the worst? You can't simply get away with it. Everyday you don't tell that person how you feel the more the feeling becomes stronger. I had my own fair share of falling in love with a friend but I was able to get away with it when I started being unselfish. Why would I give up our friendship for the sake of my feelings? and hello?! I wouldn't even try to tell him first about how I feel. It's a no-no. Ha-Ha! but I know exactly how you feel. That moment when you start looking that person in a different way. That person that was just a "friend" became someone you cared about and loved. Ohh. that feeling when being with him was the only place you wanted :) as the song says "Love is just a beautiful thing" but sometimes it does not end up the way you wanted. You must wake up and understand that we cannot always get what we want. It may be painful at first but would it be more painful seeing them getting bothered because of your feelings? It was a kind act when you gave love unconditionally but sometimes we also have to love ourselves to be able to enjoy the true essence of loving. If you truly love yourself, you'll set yourself free. But if you can't let go, if you're torturing yourself like I have been, you can't loosen those shackles that keep you in bondage. You have to love yourself enough to get away; because what binds you to that memory is not love, but fear. Fear of loss, fear of becoming vulnerable again, fear of failure, fear of watching your heart die and your dreams waste away. 
The only thing that can best fear is courage; and all it requires is a mustard seed of strength and the audacity to water it. Love blooms when you're courageous enough to cast fear aside, when your vulnerable but brave enough to say, my love for myself is so strong, that though exposed, I can love you without fear of losing myself no matter what; because my love does not entitle me to own you. It is a gift I merely give you; and THAT joy is my joy. If your partner leaves, it does not nullify your gift. Love was given, and though it cannot be returned, that love will become a part of the person you bestowed it on. Remember that. Love is not a person. It is a feeling and it wears many faces. It may shift, and it may change, but it doesn't die. It becomes new again in the heart of the person touched by it; and it will touch another on your beloved's journey; and one day; all things being cyclical, it will find you again. It will happen when you draw it to yourself with the love you project; Because love cannot resist love that courageously gives of itself; and wrapping itself in the arms of that old friend that it once knew so long ago, it will finally say 'I'm home'.

My heart goes out to the people here who have just ended relationships. I know much it hurts. I'm on the other side of that kind of pain from a similar loss, and want to say that it will get better, I promise! I never imagined that I would ever be happy again after that difficult relationship and breakup, but I've never been more consistently happy, balanced, and joyful than I am now. Even with the pain of it all, I don't regret my last relationship. I know myself better now then I ever have, especially my dark side. Now, starting a relationship with this new man whom I met when I was perfectly happy to be single, I find myself opening more slowly, but also being able to be more honest because I know how damaging ambivalence, ambiguity, and misconceptions can be. I'm absolutely aware now that this could be over tomorrow, or in an hour. It's a poignant feeling, but not really that unpleasant. It makes me truly enjoy every moment that we are together, and reminds me to keep the rest of my life just as vibrant and exciting, so that I'm not expecting this new person to fulfill everything for me.

A little honesty.

Hello lovelies!! How have you all been? I know I haven't been blogging for a long time. Last post was just out of my depression. yikes. I was just carried away of something which made me think I really had to breakdown and cry. I know all of us has that kind of feeling, sometimes.

I keep telling myself that I'll feel better if I get back into a blogging routine, because with any social media you can put the best contruction on your reality and maybe life would be better if I could make it look that way. However it's been all I can do to do the bare minimums.

So here is a little honesty: life has been...um...difficult? It seems everywhere I turn there is a battle to face. At work. At home. In relationships [with others and with myself]. I'm exhausted. I'm tired of trying to hold it all together. I feel like everything I am, everything I do and everything I have just isn't enough.

In the past I've written about contentment and living an unhindered life, however lately I'm feeling anything but. I feel lost, broken and without direction. I have felt this way in the past, right before my decision to move back home. I wonder if God isn't stirring up my life in order to prepare me for another big change.

I want a change so badly, but I'm at a loss for how. It's driving me crazy and I feel so unhappy. I am craving independance, freedom, friendship and a job I'm passionate about. I just don't know how to get there.

I'm clinging to these verses from Psalm 119 that one of my friends shared with me over a year ago [Waiting Expectantly for the Road to Somewhere] because they are still as true today as they were when I first read them.

"I'm feeling terrible—I couldn't feel worse! Get me on my feet again. You promised, remember? When I told my story, you responded; train me well in your deep wisdom. Help me understand these things inside and out so I can ponder your miracle-wonders. My sad life's dilapidated, a falling-down barn; build me up again by your Word. Barricade the road that goes Nowhere; grace me with your clear revelation. I choose the true road to Somewhere, I post your road signs at every curve and corner. I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me; GOD, don't let me down! I'll run the course you lay out for me if you'll just show me how."
Psalm 119:25-32

IT DON'T BREAKEVEN.

I JUST WANT TO BREAK DOWN AND CRY. :'(

How to Make Your Girlfriend Happy :)

1. If you never understand women in general, how will you understand your girl? Women are very maternal creatures: they love taking care of things. That's why she cooks you great meals, or worries when you don't call after you've driven home. Understand that she is not being clingy; it is a natural part of being a woman, and therefore part of who she is. Perceive it as a good thing; women are only inclined to do this if they genuinely love and care about you a great deal. If she has stopped doing these things, there's something wrong! Remember also that women have been raised around stories that end in girls finding the 'Perfect Man', become a Princess and live happily ever after. Therefore, it is ingrained into their subconsciousness that they must find a man who is perfect in every way. While this is basically impossible, this article will help you understand what will make her happy, without changing your own personality.

2. Tell her you love her, make sure you mean it.

3. Tell her she's beautiful and mean it. Compliment her not only on her looks, but also on her accomplishments, talents and abilities. Always be sincere.

4. Be confident. Be proud of being her boyfriend. There are appropriate times and places for affection. Kissing and intimate touching does not usually go over well in public. But don't be too shy to hold her hand in public because you shouldn't be ashamed that she's yours. She will love it when you walk by her friends and they see how good her boy friend is.

5. Never lie. Lies mean trouble. This can taint your relationship and reduce her trust in you considerably. How would you feel if she started to lie to you?

6. Do not argue in public and cause a scene. This will humiliate her or you and she'll think twice about going out with you again. Similarly, If you and your girl have an argument, don't do or say things to her that are mean and spiteful. That will make her know your inner self, and don't you want to be her Mr Right ?

7. Do NOT flirt with other girls AT ANY TIME,. If you do you're on thin ice: She's bound to find out, you'll lack purpose in your relationship and you'll hate yourself for your nasty behaviour..besides it means you're not loyal to your girl or your relationship with her. Most girls will view it as cheating and you just might lose her, and it'll serve you right. Don't be stupid, value what you have and know.

8. Don't ever let her suffer from back-seat syndrome. Granted, you might have very close female friends who have been around longer. But if you appear to enjoy spending more time with them than your girlfriend - and she has noticed - she may be suffering from what girls call 'back seat syndrome'. Think: how would you like it if she preferred hanging out with guy friends to you? What if she hung out with her guy friend alone? What if she was constantly texting other guys in your company? If she starts to mention that she is feeling second-place, change your attitude quickly but tell nobody. Keep your female friends, they give useful feedback, don't let them slip out of the picture. Find balance. Don't text them in her company, and let her know that you prefer spending time with her than other girls. Like you would with other guys, she will naturally begin to assume they are not threat. Don't lie to her; you should genuinely enjoy spending time with your girl. If you are attracted to one of your female friends, it is a good idea to cut the communication short,be friendly but cut it clean; it is highly likely your girlfriend will notice, girls have many ways to know and boys are so basic and ultimately she will start to consider how loyal you are to her.

9. Don't start getting lazy about how you look just because you think she's yours. Continue trying to 

impress her because she might just lose interest if you begin to slack off. Look smart for you and for her!

10. If you're with your friends, never ignore her and start talking with your friends or walk off with them as if she's not there. How would you feel if she did this to you? Invisible? Make sure you pay attention to her when you're with your friends. Think about it - she's a friend too. Girl-friend-. If you're with a group of mates, make sure she doesn't feel left out if she doesn't know them well.Keep close to her or glance at her every so often just to let her know you know she's still there and offer a genuine smile.

11. Become friends with her friends. It gives you more things in common with your girl and a social life in common is bonding. Eventually, her friends will love you, and that's a definite turn-on for your girlfriend and a good thing for you too.

12. Let her win the argument, if she's got a point. It may be a silly issue and you probably think you're right but, let her win. The sillier the argument, the more reason you have to let her win. Why stir up trouble? She doesn't want to look stupid, don't make it hard on yourself. If you just tell her she's right, you probably won't hear about the issue again, save yourself and just tell her she's right and you'll both feel great.

13. Make a good impression on her parents. Even if you don't particularly like them, they can be your greatest allies in the long run.

14. Be thoughtful. The small things matter the most. Be a gentleman; hold doors open for her, be polite and be helpful. Ask her if she's cold when it's cold out; have a jacket or a sweater handy so you can give it to her, but don't outdo it, it won't look sincere. When she isn't feeling well, or home sick bring her some soup, hot tea or flowers. Hold her hand at the movies or when you're walking. Get her something just because. Make her happy by buying her little gifts. Small things like a single flower or a mag you know she likes, a bag of her favorite candy or a chocolate bar will go a long way. Girls love that.

15. Remember important dates. This is a big deal with women. Birthdays, anniversaries and other milestones are all opportunities to show her how special she is to you.Keep an agenda or a calendar with all these dates. When it's her birthday, bring her breakfast in bed and some flowers. When it's your anniversary, book something special for you both to let her know how much you appreciate and love her. Remember that women have the idea of being spoiled on these occasions embedded into their psyche from the media. Rose petals on your bed, dinner at a beautiful restaurant - all these things show you care. You don't have to spend like crazy - it isn't about the money but the thought behind the action.

16. Remember what she likes and dislikes. How does she like her eggs cooked? What is her favorite flower? Perfume? What does she enjoy doing when it comes to dates? She will be very impressed that you have been paying attention. It pays to be thoughtful.

17. Touch her regularly and on the spur of the moment. Even the slightest touch can make a woman feel special. Hold her hand, give her a hug or gently touch her face; these gestures will all make her feel protected and loved.

18. Write her love notes. They don't have to be long, mushy and poetic if you're not the type, even quick and silly ones will do but try to make them cute ( add some related drawing ) and show her that you care. This is a great way to be romantic. Tell her that you're lucky that you found her. She loves it when you say it. Just be sure you mean it. Look her in the eye and mentally say it.

19. Share your everyday events and thoughts with your girl.Being open and communicative makes her feel like you want her in your life. On the same note, listen to her advice even if you don't agree, force yourself to listen and to see the good of her reasoning. Keep an open ear and an open mind.

20. Listen to her. The number one complaint many women have regarding men is that they don't listen. Even

 if you're not particularly interested in what she's saying, listen, then acknowledge that you were listening. Let 

her know that you are the one that she can talk to about anything! Be there for her through thick and thin. She will feel comfortable with you and trust you.

21. Always stand up for her no matter what;( up to a point but discuss it privately ) It shows her that

 you are often on her side.

22. If you want her to be yours forever, let her know you're there for her when she needs you, and most importantly make her feel loved, special, safe and protected. Your woman wants to be your queen so treat her as such and you'll glide happily along.

23. If she wants to pay for something sometimes, let her. Just ensure you don't change roles, you're the man.

24. Make sure you spend enough time with her to show her how much you care, and to make your relationship grow.

25. LOVE HER WITH ALL YOUR HEART.

source.