I wonder if you read my previous blog and I wonder if it ever touched your heart cause you didn't respond. Are you that insensitive? :/ I don't think you're insensitive or maybe I'm just trying so hard to think that you still care. *sigh
I'm controlling the urge not to text you and I think I need to congratulate myself for not texting you for three days.
***
I talked to some people whom I thought can help me with this feeling. I talked with Mr. VP, my classmate, who never had a girlfriend since birth. To my tita "lifemate" and lastly to Mr. Calm, who did the same thing to somebody :)
Mr. Vp a.k.a NGSB told me -- trish, maybe he's the type of guy who wants someone whom he can call his FIRST and LAST. Since we have never been in a relationship before we usually have one thing in common "we control our feelings if we think we're falling already because we want to focus solely on the things we need to prioritize- STUDIES"
My respond: If he's like you why can't he tell me frankly that he still needs to finish school or whatever and in the first place I'm not telling him to commit his self to me since his being "i'm not in a rush" attitude won my heart. I admired him when he told me that he doesn't wanna rush things. It simply shows that he wants to put things in order. I don't think I can cause him to have a low grade in School because I know he's smart. A real smart person can never be interuppetd by small things or by petty quarrels and to think we never had a quarrel.
My "lifemate" tita told me-- "paw, be patient. Don't rush things. Give him what he wants and if it'll take months then let it be". She told me that she can sense that I'm affected for what happened and even asked me "what went wrong?" and I answered "I don't know :( " She also told me. " Text him and tell him what you really feel. If he doesn't reply and you get hurt, you move on". I already told him about my feelings. That i'm hurt and I'm sad but even if he doesn't reply I still don't wanna move on and now, I think I'm the dumbest person on earth.
But just this morning, my tita told me that things will really be okay and she's proud that despite of what happened, I still managed to get good grades in school and for having a positive disposition, as always. I also told her " Tita, I'm slowly trying to understand him. I paused and smiled :) even if it's too hard because he left me hanging. I paused again and frowned :(. But it's okay, I know someday God will give me all the answers I need and in the end, I might be very thankful that this happened. " Tita smiled and told me " Paw, you're really smart! and very optimistic" I think that was indeed a great compliment. Before I forget, my tita is 9 years older than me but there were times in our lives that I always tell her the things she has to do when it comes to relationships. *laughs
And the last person I asked is Mr. Calm who did the SAME thing to somebody. He told me-- "ate, maybe he's just ain't brave enough to tell you the reason. Let time heal those wounds te. Reach for him and asked him. If he doesn't reply then you move on but i know you don't wanna move on so again, let time heal those wounds" . I can't believe this!! Mr. Calm is 2 years younger than me and when you see him he looks like a high school student but I never underestimated him for he's like my mon who is 2 years younger than me but when he talks, it's as if he's way too mature. I asked Mr. Calm-- "were you hurt when you left her and gave no reason?" he answered, "yes te". And I asked him "nasakitan pud kaha siya sa iya gibuhat sa ako?" he answered " I don't know with him te, dili man mi pareha. Siya ra maka-answer ana:("
***
well i guess i'm quite improving. I'm now trying to understand you -- that you need to focus on some things. I don't feel bad if I'm not your priority instead, I feel glad. Why? It simply shows that you're a man who has a direction in life. The one who doesn't rush things. And believes that if love is true, it waits.
Though I am convinced about what MIGHT your reasons could have been, I still want you to
S-P-E-L-L it out for me since I don't wanna put words into your mouth. Is that too much? :( I thought you want me to be your friend? Is this how you handle your friends? leaving them hanging and making them feel rejected? urrgh.
I hate this :I
You can also tell me if I'm overreacting :/ but I think I'm not. I'm just hurt and I know it's normal.
I'm waiting and waiting is a blessing.
I miss you and I hope things will be okay one day and I hope we're closer to that "one day".
I miss you mon. see you soon :)
